Dusty Runway

Pursuing perfection, this elusive, seductive idea that convinces you, makes you believe you're close but never quite get there, never good enough, this ever-moving target. We've heard the saying, "We are born to be happy and not perfect" I despise this phrase, I loathe it! Not because happiness is not a priority. This phrase sits in a weird area of my brain. Where all the things that make absolute sense when processed slowly are but the brain refuses to grasp. The thing is, no matter how many times you hear these phrases and they resonate, a part of you will always rationalise why that saying is for others and not you. That the person who makes up these phrases must be lazy, lacks ambition and must relish mediocrity. If you have never thought of it like that, I have. Seeking perfection has left me self-deprecating and not in a cute way, in the real sense of the phrase. It has started conversations with self that belittle, undermine and disregard my achieve...

Letting go of stuff, environments and people that no longer serve you can be a difficult thing to do. Seriously hard. Not because you are hung up on the person or situation but the thought of “what next?”. The questions and reality of having to ‘deal’ with the absence of what you maybe once loved, gave energy to, was once fulfilling and somewhat a comfort. This is where most get stuck in my opinion. Self-doubt seeps in with anxiety’s claws clasping onto you, wanting to pull you back into what you're trying to let go of. The fear of the unknown can be paralyzing and the comfort of certainty whether positive or negative, knowing exactly what to expect can keep you hostage in situations you no longer belong. What I’ve realized in my short-long life is that it takes practice. You have to make a conscious decision rid yourself of anything or anyone that no longer serves you; toxic things, people, spaces, habits (not making light of addiction). We hold on to feelings of regret, guil...

Life is fucking hard sometimes. It gets overwhelming at times, one minute you have it all together, your hair is growing, your body is performing at its best levels, you are well, mind-body and soul you are "glowed up". You are able to deal and combat whatever comes your way, you pick yourself up and move on. I am one of those irritatingly optimistic people, everything happens for a reason type, always finding a silver lining, you get the point, right? The glass is always half full. Then BAM! out of nowhere, something shakes up your entire foundation and the aftermath is far worse than the real quake. The devastation leaves you wanting nothing than to cover yourself under a pile of blankets. In the dark and in constant emotional turmoil that even you can't put into words and break down to anyone else. Nobody gets it. People have expectations you must be awake, smiling and joyous. So, you default to acting. Your days become an entire performance, characterize...

Before we find what we are about on earth. I am sure that we have heard, read or watched tons of videos, listened to a gazillion of messages that compel you to explore what it is you truly about, what your purpose is and why you are here. You would think that all the wisdom of the world would make it easier for us to navigate this life maze and hit the mark. However, it is not always that easy. Some of us do not get it that instantly, no matter how many times the 'universe' taps you on your shoulder or the opportunity presents itself. Sometimes there is more that holds you back from pursuing what it is you are meant to be doing and sometimes just plain excuses or pure laziness. Financial, social, family, 'black tax' whatever your responsibilities are factors that can keep you from pursuing your real life purpose. The thing that makes you excited and looking forward to waking up the next day, doing that thing over and over again. We cannot deny that at times...

  U nderstanding that “I am human and nothing human can be foreign to me”, has been those subjects I fathom momentarily but as soon as I step out of class it seems to have gone in one ear and out the other ear. It is just so easy to judge others, there's a devilish satisfaction that comes with it. Whether it comes from a place of fear, insecurities and just socialisation.    Uttering the words "Do not judge but try to understand why someone would do what they've done" is easier said than done. With everything that happens on a micro scale (within families, friends, lovers) and on a macro scale (politically, socially, economically, etc). It is easy to judge without trying to empathize with the ‘culprit’. It is easy to post on FB, Re-Tweet, blog about and discuss with aversion, “How could she/he/they” then dissociatively ask “who does that to another person”. Maya Angelou once quoted the statement  “Homo sum: humani nil a me alienum puto” by Terence which ...

W e spend much time defining ourselves by the things we dislike instead of the things we love, things that nourish our souls and give life to authentic smiles. I had never thought of it like that before one of my bosses pointed it out in conversation. I had an 'AHA-moment', then I thought about all the times I openly shared what I loathed about certain TV shows, musicians and other subjects that I would rather be dead than caught watching, listening or interacting with. This kind of loathing is ego-driven. It says I am better than you and you have poor taste instead of, "These are the things that make me and this is what I enjoy".  It got me thinking of the negativity we unconsciously put into the world. We are quick to disassociate with certain things but never quite share what we want to be associated with. We go around dismissing and snubbing certain things and people because we are "above it or them" far superior to being leagued with 'th...

Dear Life, why do some things have to be so ambiguous? Really, why? I do not understand, it is much more easier to deal with black or white, grey areas can be quite lead like for my precious soul to handle, and more so because grey areas are the human emotions or a reflection of their black or their white.  A glass half full versus half empty. Depending on convenience or how complex we make the situation to be in our own brain. We either add a dash of black to our white and work ourselves up unnecessarily or white to our black to cushion life’s blows.  Not everything is ever that simple, there are layers upon layers to some situations but there are instances where we end up in grey areas because we over complicate or at times attempt to over simplify things. Nothing is wrong with grey areas it is a good middle ground, really sucks though if one gets hung up in the grey area so much that one ends up stuck in a rut.  Sometimes all it takes is removing one's se...