Tuesday, November 7, 2017


Life is fucking hard sometimes. It gets overwhelming at times, one minute you have it all together, your hair is growing, your body is performing at its best levels, you are well, mind-body and soul you are "glowed up". You are able to deal and combat whatever comes your way, you pick yourself up and move on. I am one of those irritatingly optimistic people, everything happens for a reason type, always finding a silver lining, you get the point, right? The glass is always half full.

Then BAM! out of nowhere, something shakes up your entire foundation and the aftermath is far worse than the real quake. The devastation leaves you wanting nothing than to cover yourself under a pile of blankets. In the dark and in constant emotional turmoil that even you can't put into words and break down to anyone else. Nobody gets it. People have expectations you must be awake, smiling and joyous. So, you default to acting. Your days become an entire performance, characterized by forced frozen smiles, painted on joy with makeup tricks, upbeat persona constructed through carefully chosen clothes and superficial emotions.

There is a lot of content on the net that aims to help you when the light goes dim in your life. Tools, talks, and riveting reads that resonate with one and with every line read confirm your own experiences. However, with such a plethora of information and experiences shared through meaningful art and inspired words. When the cloud comes over you, the world caves in, you are on your own and everybody else seems to shut you out of their warm, vibrant energy. Everyone but you are walking on sunshine and all you do is absorb all the gloom. Plagued by sleepless nights or the constant need to slumber. The world is a dark place full of hopelessness. What makes this condition worse, is the careless giving of unsolicited advice and phrases thrown around by those close to you. 

"Snap out of it," they say. 
"That is not a real thing, you just know too much," they say. 
"It is all in your head," she says.
"That is for people with money," he jokes

But depression and anxiety are real scourges of society. They haunt you even when you are feeling better. That the thought of falling into depression again is terrifying. For anxiety, anything and everything feel like a possible trigger. 

According to South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) around a fifth (20%) of all South Africans will experience a depressive disorder at least once during their lifetime and the incidence of the suicide in South Africa has soared to 23 a day.

"The biggest problem was the lack of treatment in public health institutions and the stigma attached to mental health
South African is in the bottom four of countries providing mental health treatment, with 75% of clinic staff who do not have a caring attitude." Read more here

This could end in a 5 step guide to dealing with depression and ending anxiety but, the oversimplification of mental disorders make it impossible for us as a society to truly find possible ways of dealing and managing the conditions. So, bye bye. 

Friday, October 30, 2015


"We exist on this earth for some undetermined period of time. During that time, we do things. Some of these things are important. Some of them are unimportant. And those important things give our lives meaning and happiness.  The unimportant ones basically just kill time" 

Mark Manson’s post, “Seven strange questions that help you find your life purpose”

Before we find what we are about on earth. I am sure that we have heard, read or watched tons of videos, listened to a gazillion of messages that compel you to explore what it is you truly about, what your purpose is and why you are here. You would think that all the wisdom of the world would make it easier for us to navigate this life maze and hit the mark. However, it is not always that easy. Some of us do not get it that instantly, no matter how many times the 'universe' taps you on your shoulder or the opportunity presents itself. Sometimes there is more that holds you back from pursuing what it is you are meant to be doing and sometimes just plain excuses or pure laziness.

Financial, social, family, 'black tax' whatever your responsibilities are factors that can keep you from pursuing your real life purpose. The thing that makes you excited and looking forward to waking up the next day, doing that thing over and over again. We cannot deny that at times there are self-imposed and conjured up 'obstacles' stemming from a place of fear and doubt. The saddest position to be in is when those around you can see the light in you and you just fail to see it because it is extremely intimidating or you simply have no idea where to go with the "light".

Sadly, being a victim of circumstance where there's always an alternative hinders development, nothing is worse than a dream deferred or unfulfilled. Living with "there's got to be more to life than the trappings of one's inhibitions" is unsettling. I have seen this a lot someone starts with zeal but soon fades because the person is at the wrong place/space, overstaying a season or it is not at all who they are. I believe we should do every day the things we really want to be about no matter how small. Efforts that may be hard work, require grit, perseverance, and all those 'new year's resolution lines'. "Some of us" will have to do the necessary, make peace with that it may not appear or lead in the direction of the end goal. Making dots is what life may require of us and one day all the dots will connect.

Embrace detours, everything you go through prepares you for what lies ahead, adopt a "no life experience is meaningless" attitude, question the lessons that each situation presents, know if you have gained or lost. Remember the intangible they may be spiritual, a shift in mindset or lessons that you needed to learn for your current and upcoming assignment. 

Sunday, April 26, 2015


 Understanding that “I am human and nothing human can be foreign to me”, has been those subjects I fathom momentarily but as soon as I step out of class it seems to have gone in one ear and out the other ear. 

Uttering the words 'Do not judge but try to understand why someone would do what they've done' is easy, until one day someone backstabs you, ill-treats you or impacts on your life negatively and causes you to question“ why would anyone do that”. Followed by the ‘soapbox’ and high horse statements that make sure that everyone knows that you would never inflict on anyone! not even your worst enemy! what the culprit has done to you. 

With everything that happens on a micro scale (within families, friends, lovers) and on a macro scale (politically, socially, economically, etc). It is easy to judge without trying to empathize with the ‘culprit’. It is easy to post on FB, Re-Tweet, blog about and discuss with aversion, “How could she/he/they” then dissociatively ask “who does that to another person”.

Maya Angelou once quoted the statement  “Homo sum: humani nil a me alienum puto” by Terence which means. 'I am human. Nothing Human can be alien to me’ and she followed to say “If you can internalize at least a portion of that, you will never be able to say of a criminal act, 'Oh, I couldn't do that,' -no matter how heinous a crime. If a human being did it, you have to say, I have all the components that are in her or in him. I intend to use my energies constructively as opposed to disruptively. People will wrong you and vice-versa. We are all capable of being the ‘culprit’ and afflicting others under the ‘right’ circumstances. 

Before you saddle up next time; slow down, try understanding, putting yourself in the place of the culprit and remember this “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you”.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015


"To create an expression is close to innocence. Childhood is stolen from you with every judgment made, innocence stolen with it. You go into a room alone and try to collect the pieces of your life and meet your monster. Everyone has a monster that hunts them—monsters inside and outside. I have fought monsters. And have turned into a complete monster in the midst of the fight." Kanye West

Wednesday, March 11, 2015


We spend so much time defining ourselves by things we dislike instead of the things we love, things that nourish our souls and give life to authentic smiles. I had never thought this before until my boss pointed it out in a conversation we were having. I had an AHA-moment, then I thought about times I have so openly shared what I loathed about certain TV shows, musicians and other subjects that I would rather be dead than caught watching or listening to. Like Generations, Donald I deserve and other things. 

It got me thinking about the amount of negativity we unconsciously put out into the world, we are quick to disassociate with certain things but never share what we want to be associated with. We go around dismissing and snubbing certain things and people because we are "above it or them" far superior to be leagued with 'them or it'. We use twitter and other social media platforms to rant about this and that as opposed to sharing things we love, appreciate and things that enrich our lives. I think we do it because it makes us feel special, gives us some sort of edge.  For instance, I hate weaves therefore I must be a more conscious and enlightened, I do not like Beyonce's music this means my taste in music is far way intricate and sophisticated than Beyonce's Rocket. (I love Beyonce and have no issues with weaves.) 

A part of me believes that by sharing more of the things we love and things that make up our lives versus those that we disdain makes us better people and happier. Knowing that what we choose to let out into the world comes from a place of love and passion. It is easy to dislike and judge things we know nothing about, but it there's no joy or any kind of fulfilment. On the other hand curating and displaying thoughts and actions that we love yields positive results. There is warmth and beauty that comes from hearing someone share what it is they love and are passionate about, it is rejuvenating and inspiring.

So curate all that you love in abundance, leaving no room to squeeze in things that do not matter to you and non-essential to who you are and stand for.

Friday, December 5, 2014


Dear Life, why do some things have to be so ambiguous? Really, why? I do not understand, it is much more easier to deal with black or white, grey areas can be quite lead like for my precious soul to handle, and more so because grey areas are the human emotions or a reflection of their black or their white.  A glass half full versus half empty.

Depending on convenience or how complex we make the situation to be in our own brain. We either add a dash of black to our white and work ourselves up unnecessarily or white to our black to cushion life’s blows.  Not everything is ever that simple, there are layers upon layers to some situations but there are instances where we end up in grey areas because we over complicate or at times attempt to over simplify things.

Nothing is wrong with grey areas it is a good middle ground, really sucks though if one gets hung up in the grey area so much that one ends up stuck in a rut.  Sometimes all it takes is removing one's self from the situation and allow themselves to be objective and maybe realize that the situation is simply white or black maybe darker than you thought and that you are the dye that makes it grey, either by being naïve, negative or whatever optimistic/ pessimistic thoughts and associations you make. I have no strong conclusion or wise words to end this off accept, do not get stuck on separating the black from white when stuck in a grey area, look deep inside yourself and far off from yourself, evaluate the situation and ask yourself if you are being objective or think of the advice you would have given to a friend if they were to be in a similar situation.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014


Learning is a life long commitment and I have learned to find a lesson in every situation that I go through, whether good or bad, there's always a lesson if not an assurance of a lesson already learnt.

Lessons are not always, "let's all sing along and dance, nursery style" sometimes they are the kind that just make you want to throw in the towel and move on to the next thing and some make you question "Why me... why do things happen they way they do..." and you find yourself wanting to leave class before getting to the answers. Others just take way too long, leaving you to ask "how much more longer  do I have to go through this... how long till..when is my time coming" whatever the question the lesson is sometimes done, and all that is left to do is to open your eyes and ears and admit and accept certain things either about yourself, someone else or a situation.

Let's face it, at times you find yourself in classes you did not sign up for, learning things you would rather not be taught but all these lessons I believe, contribute to your bigger picture, they make up the dots of your life that do not even make sense until you start connecting the dots and making sense of it all. There are things we have to go through or do to get to where we want to be and in becoming who we ought to be to ourselves and the world. So embrace life lessons, debilitating or invigorating for they let us know who we are and teach us who we can become mind, body and spirit. We've all heard of the "learn to follow so you can lead well" saying.


Life is fucking hard sometimes. It gets overwhelming at times, one minute you have it all together, your hair is growing, your body i...